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[05 Oct 2006|11:07pm] |
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I can see myself turning into someone whom i don't want to be.
Yet i cant seem to stop it from happening.
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| Letter. |
[02 Sep 2006|07:44pm] |
Dear...
I don't want to lose you over something that will seem so stupid in a few years time.
I don't want you to forget me.
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything that ever went wrong.
There's nothing i wouldn't do, to get one more chance, to look deep into your eyes.
I never mean what i say. But on this day, i swear to you. This is the truth.
All i find myself doing is sitting here, thinking about what we used to have.
All the fun memories, the laughing, the crying, the hugging, the memories.
I know you think you cant give me what i crave.
But just having you lay next to me is enough.
I don't need you to say anymore.
I know i did you wrong, and i wish i could go back and change the way i dealt with those situations.
I'm going to get help. I'm not going to use medication to hide my emotions.
I'm not going to drink, or do drugs, to hide the way i feel.
I'm going to get help. I'm going to figure myself out.
I'm going to get help, so when i smile and laugh, i'm actually happy.
I can't hide anymore. I can't keep making excuses for my stupid mistakes.
Every night before i fall asleep i see your face, and it almost makes me cry that i've disappointed you.
Every morning, your the first person i think of.
Each time i get a sms, or a phone call, i light up in hope its from you.
When it is you, i never know what to say.
I love you, your the closest i've ever been to a guy.
I just hope you won't use what you know against me.
I want to get closer to you. I want to connect with you in ways i've never imagined.
Your my lover, my best friend.
I don't expect anything else from you.
Remember the good times, the happy times, the time when we laughed, the times when we shared our deepest, secrets.
xx
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| This is not your life. |
[28 Aug 2006|07:49pm] |
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Why is it that people must try and tell me what’s good for me?
Everyone is telling me to get a job, get some money.
I'll be working all weekend, and during the week I’ll be at school.
How people think I’ll enjoy that life style I don’t know.
I thought I wanted to work, but after much thinking I don't think it'll make my life any easier.
The doctors think that putting me on Prozac to numb my emotions will help.
But will it in the long run? What if one day I choice to go off the meds?
And all the reasons why I tried to kill my self just come flooding back.
The truth is, medication doesn't solve anything, all it does it make you forget about what made you the way you are.
And I don't know about everyone else, but it doesn't even do that very well.
What if god wanted some of us to kill our self’s?
Maybe we are meant to, to teach others a lesson?
I don't understand why the first thing they do when you try to kill your self is to shove you on meds.
Numbing the pain is no way to solve a problem.
All it does is sweep the problem under the rug.
Deep down I still want to die.
I still find my self trying to think of reasons to live.
I haven’t changed since I was young.
I hate this; I can’t even drink on Prozac.
How the hell do the doctors think I’m going to be happy?
I can’t even get paro!!!
I find myself smoking bongs more and more often.
It’s the sad truth.
My life now resolves around bongs.
I'm getting more and more addicted to photography.
Its good in a way, I get to express myself.
Anyway,
I've got a hand stich.
Bye.
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| Life. |
[21 Aug 2006|10:35pm] |
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How do you know when your life is over?
How do you know when life just isn't worth living?
How do you know when the pain your feeling wont ever go away?
What do you do when your life is over?
What do you do when you relise life isn't worth living?
What do you do when the pain just doesn't go away?
When the tears don't stop, and it feels like another day has passed and nothing has changed.
When the days go on and on and never end, and by the end of the week it feels like all the days have molded into one.
When you cant get the thought of dying out of your mind.
When the only person who can save you doesn't even know your dying.
This depression is like cancer, its slowly eating me away until theres nothing left of me to save.
Its like a leech sucking the blood out of me.
I'm left with nothing but emotions that i don't know how to deal with.
I'm left crying on my bed at night praying to god things will improve.
What am i to do to make the memorys of the pain he put me through to leave?
I just want to live my life, as i'm sure he's living his whilst laughing at how he took me to hell.
I wish he killed me that night he tore out my soul and kicked it on the ground.
I would rather be dead then still alive living with the memorys of him.
Every night i picture his ugly face, the person i once called a friend.
The man i was ment to trust, love, and care for.
He turned me into a wreck that night.
Just a lonely soul that will never love agian.
I will never trust anyone agian.
No matter who they are, or how much i care for them.
I will never trust them.
I trusted him to easily, and look what he did.
I let him look after me that night, and look what he did.
I wish i could go back in time and never meet him.
I just want him to know, he will burn in hell, he will feel what i feel.
He will never smile truely agian.
I hate him.
Enough now.
Goodbye harsh world for the devil has eatin me hole.
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[23 Jul 2006|10:24pm] |
Heyya everyone.
I go back to school tomorrow! I have to wake up at 7am!!
=[
Been an intresting weekend, had a massive fight with my mummy, she got really pissed off that i got my lip pierced, but we sorted it all out =]
Went to Aldinga Saturday night, fucking rocked, got so paro!!!
I could hardly walk by the end of the night o_0
Anyways, not much else to say..
But thanks for the hickey Scott =] lol
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[18 Jul 2006|10:59pm] |
I'm back from Canberra & Sydney.
Was a great week!
I miss my daddy already =[
Our plane back to Adelaide was delayed for 2 hours!
Was so boring!
I baught some eminem book, all about his life and shit, so that kept me entertained until my eyes hurt from reading .__.
So yuh, not much has been happening thats too exciting.
I go back to school on Monday! =[
Should be good to see all my girlies agian though!
Anyways, i'm going now to lay down with my cats =]
Buh bye
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[03 Jul 2006|03:54pm] |
Well, i got my tragus pierced on saturday!..
At Marion hair house warehouse!
It was pretty painless, to my suprise!..
It took him about 20-30mins to do, because i have a "hard" tragus..
But yeah, was very pain free, which was great!..
I'm thinking about getting my belly button done next friday.. YAY..
I had a feeling i'd get adicted to the pain of them.. hehe..
My mum still hasn't seen my tragus, to my suprise, she can normally tell when i do something agianst her wishs..
Well.. Heres a picture of my tragus
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[27 Jun 2006|11:20pm] |
Not much happening.
The semester is almost over, YAY!..
For the first time in my life i'm passing every subject!
Its an awesome feeling.
I'm moving out in November, my mother and father agree my choice will be best for everyone involved.
It should be okay, my parents will help me out with anything they can, which will make it alot easier.
The dreams about my father dying won't stop, there starting to freak me out.
On Thursday i'm going to get my tragus pierced.. I can't wait!!.
It should hurt alot, but its so hot its worth it!
Also, on Friday i'm going to go ice skating whist stoned, hahaha, what a awesome experience that should be!.
Well i better go to bed, early start tomorrow.
Cya
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[26 Jun 2006|12:38am] |
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IM SO STONED
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[21 Jun 2006|10:58pm] |
YUH I DIDED MY HAIR..
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[21 Jun 2006|09:19pm] |
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6 more days of school.
fuckers..
BUT THE ASSIGNMENTS WONT END..
MATHS TEST TOMORROW.
I WILL PASS IT.
BECAUSE IM A SMART ARSE
AND I ACTUALLY KNOW THE MATHS...
FOR THE FIRST TIME!
I CAN ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND VOLUME!
WOWW!!
:-0
Psychology sucks. I shall fail that test.
I shall fail.
I know i will..
Unless i some how cheat.
Which will be hard since Ian is a tuff cunt.
I have no idea.
Im stuggling with that subject.
But its okay..
Only 3 more lessons of psychology.
On a good note, i finnished my english essay.
FINALLY.
I'm gunna miss Olga.
Shes such a good teacher.
Its sad that she will die soon.
I'd just like to take this moment to say.
THERE ARE SOME FUCKING HOT TAXI DRIVERS!
Yes i caught a taxi today.
OMG HE WAS HOT!
He was hitting on me.
And i was hitting back :-D
YAYYYERRZZ!!
ANYWAYS!!
Enough now.
Goodnight my lovelys..
Keep smiling those sexy smiles you all have
xox
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[21 Jun 2006|09:13pm] |
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You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be aroundUh huh
That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh
That's right
If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them up
Cause they're all wrong
I know better Cause you said forever And ever Who knew
Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew
Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
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[18 Jun 2006|04:45pm] |
MY HOW I'VE MISSED YOU!
Yes yes i've missed the feeling of being stoned so much.
A year and a half with out the shit.
Best weekend ever of just getting stoned.
Nena, Malinda, Kristy and I = Awsome stoners. LOL
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[14 Jun 2006|08:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 grateful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Lose My Breath - Destinys Child |
] |
I went to Flinders Uni for an open day, and for 2 trial lectors.
I did, Screen Studies and Forensic Archaeology
It was AWSOME!
To think i might be there in a few years is such a good thought!!
Me!
Lizzie!
At uni!!
The course i want to do is, Criminology. Yes sounds gangsta doesn't it!! Hehe i can't wait for the day i get to go to uni! If i go to Flinders i'll have to live on site, which will rock! The dorms are cool, i got some of the boys to show me there dorm!
I'm so fucking happy!
I'm over the moon about this!
Uni is now such a realistic thing!
Before it was just a dream.
Now my dreams are turning into reality.
Thank the lord!
I'm so happy! And i can hear in my dads voice he's just as happy, which means so much to me.
To make him happy and to please him is all i've ever wanted to do.
If i get into uni, i know, no matter what i do from now on he'll be so happy!
I just hope he doesn't have a heart atack when/if i do get accepted and do go to uni!
I'll be the first person in my family to go to UNI!
Man if that doesn't make him happy nothing will ever satisfy him.
I better get back to my psychology report which is calling me.
I hope everyone is as happy and forfilled as me!
XoX
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[11 Jun 2006|11:24pm] |
| [ |
music |
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If i want to - Usher ft Justin Timberlake |
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WEEKENDS = YAY
Champaign ROCKS!!!
I drunk a hole bottle of it, to my self!
But i spilt some all over Saf's car! LOL..
I FUCKING LOVE alcohol!!! How did i go so long with out it?!
So yeah, me and Laura got paro on Saturday, was awsome!
Havnt been that paro in a while, she had the bottle of vodka, and i took care of the champaign.
Theres no better feeling in the world then getting extreamly drunk! Nothing bothers you.. I LOVE IT!
We still have a bottle of vodka, we shall drink that next weekend!!
CALL IT WHAT YOU WANNA CALL IT
I'M A FUCKING ALCOHOLIC.
Has anyone else noticed how everything is so much better/funner when your drunk? Food, is the best when your drunk, aspecially hot chips. Going to the toilet, its the best feeling in the world, you feel 10kgs lighter once your done as well. Smoking, ahhh noting i say can express how much i love smoking whist drunk. Driving, well not driving, but being in the car whist drunk, even better if the driver is a awsome drive who never fails to entertian.
Yeah so back to school on Tuesday.. Always hard, never mind, another weekend isn't too far away.
I'm looking forwards to it already.
Ciao
Lizzie
xox
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[08 Jun 2006|09:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cheerful |
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| [ |
music |
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Riannah - Unfaithfull |
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HOLY FUCK!
3more weeks till schooool HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCKING YAY!!
ive got..
- 2 english essays (one done, to be handed up on Tuesday)
- 2 Legal studies essays/assignments (stupid teacher aint even givin them to us yet)
- A maths assigment + a test to study for.
- a psychology assignment, and an essay which i just need to write up on the comp and do a few graphs.
- 2 photography assigments, one half complete.
- 1 health and lifestyle assignment.
IM DROWNING IN PAPER WORK!! AGHHHHH
and i quit smoking, well, cut down to 5 a day, from my pack-a-day habit i recon ive done pretty well!
I'm buying a queen size bed on Saturday! YAY.. Then i need to save up for a futon bed couch thingy.. Then a projector tv thingy.. and yeh ill be happy after i got all that!!
Saf is teaching me to drive.. MANUAL! ITS FUCKING CRAZY!! i love it!! its alot more entertaining then auto!
I think i might either, buy a bag of weed, or a bottle of vodka.
for the weekend :-D
I'm in the crazy sorta partying mood :-D
GAHHH 3 more weeks BIATCHs!!
I'm going to Canberra & Sydney during the holidays! YAY.. Shopping!! & i get to see Adrian! YAY.
I'll be seeing my aunty who i havn't seen since i was a wee youngin!.. hehe...
LOVE YOU'RE LIFE!
IF I CAN TURN MY LIFE FROM SHIT, INTO HEAVEN!
SO CAN YOU!
THE SECRET IS....
ZOLOFT!
IT FUCKING OWNS!
THE END.
LOVE ME
XOX
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[29 Aug 2005|03:02am] |
TAKE AWAY THE PAIN THAT YOU LEFT INSIDE OF ME
NOW YOU’VE GOT ME SCREAMING,
MOTHERFUCKER SET ME FREE
YOU LEFT ME WHIT A BROKEN SOUL, AND IM ON MY KNEES
DON’T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN
IM BEGGING YOU, PLEASE
YOU’VE GOT ME CRYING NOW, AND I WANT TO TELL IT
BECAUSE THE MEMORIES ARE KILLING ME
ALL THE FUCKING THIS YOU DID
THE WORDS ARE STOLEN, YOU TOOK IT AWAY
YOU’VE LOCKED IT IN A SAVE AND SWALLOWED THE KEY
WHEN DO YOU STOP THE GAME YOU PLAY?
YOU ARE KILLING ME, WHIT YOUR LOUD VOICE
AND I CANT EVER WHISPER WHAT YOU DID TO ME
SO PLEASE STOP MAKING THAT UGLY NOICE
I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE ITS EATING ME UP INSIDE
IM TRAPPED IN MY SKIN AND ESCAPE I MUST
BUT THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO, YOU HAVE TO MUCH PRIDE
YOU WONT ALLOW IT TO SET ME FREE
KILL ME BEFORE I HATE YOU
TOO MANY TIMES YOU TOUCHED ME
MOTHERFUCKER!!
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